Earning your Spot: What youth Players & their parents need to understand about team selection!

A few weeks ago, one of my players called me after his matchday -1 training. The lineup had just been announced and he wasn't starting.

He was frustrated. He felt like he had been doing everything right in training. Working hard, staying consistent, showing up with the right attitude. And yet another player was chosen over him.

His immediate reaction was that something wasn't fair. That he deserved to be in that starting eleven.

I've had this conversation many times with young players. And it's one of the most important conversations in their development.

The advice I gave him

I told him to stay calm.

Don't let the frustration take over. Don't let your body language show the coach or your teammates that you've been affected. The moment you let disappointment become visible, you give people a reason to question your maturity.

Instead, I told him to shift his entire focus onto the team's success. Not his own situation. The team needs points. The coach has made a decision based on what he believes gives the team the best chance to win. Your job now is to be ready for anything on matchday. Whether that's 30 minutes, 15 minutes, or zero minutes.

Show that you can handle it.

Because how a player responds to not being selected tells a coach more about their character than how they perform when everything is going their way.

What happened next

He took it on board.

He played in the U20s squad that weekend and when the opportunity came, he got 15 minutes with the first grade squad at the end of the game.

A good outcome. Not because of the minutes themselves, but because of how he handled the situation. He didn't sulk. He didn't switch off. He stayed professional and ready.

What players need to understand

Selection is rarely personal.

Most of the time, a coach's decision is not against one player. It's towards another player based on the context of that specific game. The opponent, the tactical setup, the form of the squad, who trained well that week, who fits the matchday plan. There are many factors involved and most of them have nothing to do with how good or bad you are as a player.

Young players especially struggle with this because they see selection as a direct reflection of their value. But football doesn't work like that. Squads rotate. Roles change week to week. And the players who handle that reality well are the ones who earn more trust over time.

I also reminded this player of something important. 18 months ago, he had just progressed into senior football. At that point, he was happy to get any first grade minutes at all. Now he's frustrated about not starting. That's actually a sign of growth. His standards have gone up. His expectations have shifted. But it's important to step back and recognise that you're still in a good spot. You're still progressing. You just have to be patient.

The players who make it in senior football are not always the most talented ones. They're the ones who can handle setbacks, stay consistent, and trust the process even when it feels slow.

Senior football is about results. Players need to learn that early.

This is something I feel strongly about.

In senior football, it is all about results. Coaches are under pressure to win. Selections are made based on what gives the team the best chance to earn points. That is the reality and players need to understand it long before they reach that level.

In my opinion, this is an area where the Australian system falls short.

For the majority of players I know playing NPL and A-League academy football, game time is mainly a given. Players know they will get minutes. In many cases, even without attending a training session, players know they will still be in the match squad because of FNSW rules. When that is the reality, it takes away a percentage of urgency. The drive to push yourself every single week, to take every training session seriously, to earn your spot, it gets diluted.

Compare that to Germany. In the U17 or U19 Bundesliga, players can go weeks without a single minute of game time. They still travel hours on the weekend for matchday. They still prepare, still warm up, still sit on the bench and watch their teammates play. And they come back on Monday and train harder because they know the only way to get on the pitch is to earn it.

That builds resilience. It builds respect for the importance of matchday. And it teaches players that football at the highest level does not owe you anything.

When the one game on the weekend is all you train for and you desperately want to be selected, every training session carries weight. Every rep matters. Every detail becomes an opportunity to separate yourself from the player next to you.

That mentality is what prepares young players for the demands of senior football. And the earlier they are exposed to it, the better equipped they will be when the stakes get higher.

A message to parents

If your child calls you after training and tells you they're not starting, your response matters more than you might think.

The worst thing you can do is fuel the frustration. Saying things like "that's not fair" or "you're better than that player" or "the coach doesn't know what he's doing" might feel supportive in the moment, but it teaches your child to look outward for blame instead of inward for growth.

The better response is to acknowledge the disappointment, because it is real, but then help them refocus. Ask them what they can control. Remind them that one game is not the whole season. Encourage them to speak to their coach calmly and ask what they can improve, rather than questioning the decision.

Your child will face this situation many times throughout their football journey. How they learn to deal with it now will shape the kind of player and person they become.

Final thought

Not making the starting lineup is not a setback. It's part of development.

Every player at every level has experienced it. The ones who respond well earn their place back faster. The ones who let it affect their attitude often fall behind.

Stay patient. Stay professional. Stay ready.

Your chance will come, but only if you're in the right headspace when it does.